I know it is. ( and Christ does she hate that for Jess. ) And you keep it a shitshow because it's easier ― safer than putting yourself out there and letting someone in. Someone who would actually care for you the way you deserve. Whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not, you do deserve it.
Fortunately for you, no matter how hard you try, you'll always have at least one, what did you call us ― ah yes, sadsack subhuman whom cares for you.
I didn't mean you. [ Peggy would be fine without a dom, Jess thinks, but so would everyone, in her opinion, so. Yeah. She can't truthfully claim she wasn't talking about Peggy, and why she ought to apologize is the same reason she won't. ]
I'm fine okay. Can't that just be enough? Even if I did deserve that best case scenario, not everybody gets what they deserve. [ As long as Peggy gets it, Jess can live without any happiness of her own. It's an incredibly counterproductive stance when they're both all but allergic to compromise. ]
( while she loathes doing this over text - simply because her words don't hold the same weight read (and that's assuming Jess bothers to read it all and doesn't skim, or outright ignore it) on a screen as they do said in person, Peggy seizes the opportunity to once again drill into Jess's thick skull what she feels and damn well knows Jess is worthy of. )
It can't. Not when you, more than anyone I know, deserve every last speck, every shred of happiness. And you could have it, if you just fucking let yourself. But you're not going to find it in the Down, or at the bottom of bottle.
[ The only good thing about this is that it's happening over text. In person, Jess would react without hesitation. Tell Peggy off, push her away further than is warranted. Reading her words, she can turn away from them and collect herself. She's angry -- at herself, at Peggy, at Kilgrave, at the whole system. She misses the way things were, no matter how far they were from perfect. Jess was never strictly good to herself but she inspired lectures about it a lot less often.
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no subject
I know it is. ( and Christ does she hate that for Jess. ) And you keep it a shitshow because it's easier ― safer than putting yourself out there and letting someone in. Someone who would actually care for you the way you deserve. Whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not, you do deserve it.
Fortunately for you, no matter how hard you try, you'll always have at least one, what did you call us ― ah yes, sadsack subhuman whom cares for you.
no subject
I'm
fineokay. Can't that just be enough? Even if I did deserve that best case scenario, not everybody gets what they deserve. [ As long as Peggy gets it, Jess can live without any happiness of her own. It's an incredibly counterproductive stance when they're both all but allergic to compromise. ]no subject
It can't. Not when you, more than anyone I know, deserve every last speck, every shred of happiness. And you could have it, if you just fucking let yourself. But you're not going to find it in the Down, or at the bottom of bottle.
no subject
Three minutes drag by before she responds. ]
It's always nice hearing from you.
Night, Peg.